I Like Being Married

I like being married. That statement produces a veritable smorgasbord of responses and reactions when spoken aloud. Depending on the hearer's opinions or previous experiences, I have been the subject of coy smiles, unbelieving laughter, and unmitigated contempt. Why should such a benign statement spark such emotional responses?

Could it be that many are not finding their marriages to be wedded bliss? Neither do I and my spouse. Might it be that some are discovering to their chagrin that marriage is work? My wife and I came to that conclusion ere we were scarcely out of town on our wedding day. Would we be correct in supposing that many had a skewed dream of what marriage would be, and the dream-bubble exploded soon after the nuptials, covering everything with a sticky mess? I must confess I had delusional aspirations for our married life that I have found to be unrealistic and even unhealthy. We do not have a perfect marriage. I hasten to add the overwhelming cause for that lies with me. However, I enjoy the ongoing challenge and pursuit of being married, and wish to offer a few suggestions I feel contribute to our continuing success.

• The most important element in our pursuit of marital success is commitment. My wife and I determined long ago, before our wedding day in fact, that we were in this thing for life. There are no loopholes and no escape clauses. Our only recourse is to do and be what is necessary for success in the relationship. If there is any way out, it is too easy to quit.
• Second, I choose every day to love my wife. Sometimes I must choose to love her every moment! I choose to love her when she is dressed to kill and I choose to love her when she is killing me trying to get dressed. I choose to love her in the heat of passion and I choose to love her in the cold of apathy. I choose to love her, to quote some timeless phrases, "for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part". The pivotal word in this entire paragraph is not love; it is choose. Love is a decision and a commitment I make of my own free will. I am resolved to choose daily to love my wife. No matter what.
• Third, I choose every day to pursue. I choose to pursue Christ. I choose to pursue a vibrant relationship with Him that transforms me into the best husband possible. I choose to pursue the things that build up my wife. I choose to set myself far aside. I must never give up the pursuit; for there will always be improvement that can and should be made. My wife is a priceless gift from God and is worth every effort I make and much, much more.
• Last, I believe. I believe what the Scriptures teach concerning the marriage relationship. When choosing a metaphor to illustrate the incredible relationship Christ has with His church, God chose marriage. Just as in Christ's relationship with His church, there is in our marriages the potential for unblemished purity, unrivaled holiness, unbroken commitment, unequaled sacrifice, unbridled love, unfathomable strength, and uncontainable joy. If it were not possible, our painfully honest God would have told us so. I believe it is possible.

I have not completed this journey. But these few concepts guide me like a tall and shining beacon guides wayward ships toward home and safety. They are, I believe, the foundational steps to realizing the best God has for us in our marriage relationships. I am not satisfied with where I am in my marriage; there is much progress that needs to be made. But I like the pursuit. I like being married.