Musings on 2011

Me working while in CT with Adrian for testing at Yale University, February 2011. Yes, it’s been a while since my last posting. Many things have happened since I wrote here. Too many things to spend lots of space writing but suffice it to say, life has been busy in the Stover household, the West TN branch as well as the East TN division. In fact, reflecting on the entire year of 2011, it has been one of the most trying years to date. Multiple health crises and life changes have kept us all near the breaking point. Many personal and ministry goals have gone unreached, even un-attempted, as we have found ourselves in survival mode. I found myself just trying to hold my family intact and invest a great deal of time in them to provide some stability in the midst of turmoil. However, to do this, other things were left undone. I am sure many have been and are displeased; but none of them know the depth of despair and anguish our personal crises have caused. I have learned that I cannot measure the trials and circumstances of others by my own experience because each one’s trials are unique to them. Similarly, no one else can judge our lives or actions by their own desires or opinions, having never been where we are. Being in the public eye, or as some call it “living in the fishbowl of ministry”, I have learned to let others form their own opinions while we stay true to our Lord and to one another. Some will understand; a few will reach out to help shoulder the burden; most will stand at a distance with a critical eye. We will each render an accounting to our Master for ourselves alone.

What has been learned? At the end of every year, indeed at the end of every experience, that is the question to consider. What have I learned through the experience and how can I be better because of it? How can I be different and how can God get more glory through me now? I have learned to love more and to give more grace. Everyone struggles, just like me. They will not benefit or see God through my critical spirit or condemnation. They will see Him through me as I offer grace, love, understanding, patience, and help. Instead of placing more demands on them, I should offer to come alongside where they are, link arms with them, and help to pull the load. This is not to say that people should not be challenged or held accountable; we all should and must. However, Jesus never stomped on those who were hurting but sincerely making an effort. He lovingly and patiently challenged them while at the same time offering the assistance they needed to move ahead. I am not the Lord Jesus or His Holy Spirit. But I am His instrument for working His kind of ministry, when I allow myself to be used. I firmly believe now more than ever before that when I stand to render an accounting before God, He will not condemn me for not being legalistic enough; but I fear He will say I should have given more grace.

So what will it be like in 2012? I cannot say. I can only look at the scars that 2011 has left behind: a heart-healthy diet, more gray hair, a wife who still cannot eat and battles health issues every day, a son whose seizures daily seem to change for the worse, a daughter who increasingly becomes more independent as she grows into the woman God has created her to be, another son facing college, parents with serious long-term health challenges of their own, 7 hours away, and the usual collection of bumps and scrapes accumulated by walking through a world of fallen humanity. It is my hope that lessons learned through this past year will transform me into a better disciple, husband, father, son, pastor, neighbor, citizen, and human being. Only time will tell; but the future looks bright. The Light of the World is my lamp!