Content With Your House & With Your Spouse
Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 2:25PM 
Due to the positive response following the recent message series "Making Love Last for a Lifetime", and for those who have requested more help in the area of relationships, I have written down some of the teachings from the series, plus some extra help with each topic. A link is provided at the end of this material where it can be downloaded and printed in its entirety for easier usage. Review each topic, its basic truths, and then complete the assignments, including the scriptures for memorization. The key to realizing lasting and positive change in your relationships is the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. He will work through prayer, God's Word, and our efforts to transform us and fill our relationships with love that lasts a lifetime!
Section One: Battling Envy & Cultivating Contentment
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up."
1 Corinthians 13:4 (NKJV)
Envy has a long and sordid past with its origin in the very heart of Satan. Isaiah 14:12-15 records Satan's jealousy of God's throne and deity, and his desire to steal them away. Ever since envy became his own downfall, Satan has realized its power for the destruction of human relationships. From Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden to the present day, mankind boils with envy for what belongs to another. In fact, the Greek word for envy is 'zelo', literally meaning "to boil".
Envy does not just grow overnight, like dandelions. It develops over time.
- Stage One: Discontentment
We become discontent with unfulfilled expectations. Never mind that our expectations are unreasonable or even impossible. We have made unequal and unfair comparisons to which no one can measure up.
- Stage Two: Disillusionment
Confusion sets in due to our unfulfilled expectations. "I never thought it would be like this..." We become negative toward that which does not measure up.
- Stage Three: Deception
The unfair comparisons intensify. We deceive ourselves into thinking that something or someone else is better. But we cannot see the whole picture, only the outer facade. We become infatuated with an illusion.
- Stage Four: Desire
We become convinced that the illusion can bring happiness or significance. We fool ourselves into thinking that we cannot live without it.
- Stage Five: Destruction
We chase the illusion no matter what the cost to our current relationship. And then we discover that it is just an illusion. No one could possibly be as perfect as we had thought. Our relationship is now severely damaged. We have crashed and burned.
The music video "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns gives a poignant illustration to this process.
How can we battle envy and cultivate contentment?
- Confess the SIN of Envy - It is a brutal sin that made God's TOP TEN list! (Ten Commandments - Number 10: "You shall not covet" [envy] Exodus 20:17) Confession must be followed by repentance! Turn away in sorrow from envy and ask God's help to defeat it completely! "For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there." James 3:16 (NKJV)
- Control Your Thoughts - Your mind is the front line of the battleground for your relationship. Build adequate defenses! We cannot always control or avoid temptation, but we can control our mind. Eliminate whatever tempts you to compare and envy. "Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJV)
- Cultivate Contentment - Love is content with the object of its affection. Love is a decision, not a ficle emotion. Choose to love your spouse unconditionally and choose to be content. Stop looking to others and making comparisons. Choose to be satisfied with what (and who) you have. "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have." Hebrews 13:5a (NKJV)
Suggested Actions:
- PRAY - Pray for the strength of the Holy Spirit to control your thoughts and resist temptation. Ask Him to grow a greater love in you for your spouse. Confess your struggle to him or her and ask them to agree in prayer with you.
- MEMORIZE - Memorize all four of the Scriptures printed above. Saturate your mind with the Scriptures. Find additional verses to memorize that deal with envy, covetousness, and contentment.
- ACT - Take any actions necessary to remove the temptation to compare (let Philippians 4:8 be your guide).
Suggested Resources:
The Love Dare, by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. B&H Publishing Group. ISBN - 0805448853
The Secret to the Marriage You Want, by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott. Lifeway Church Resources. ISBN - 1415868166 (member book)
This material in a downloadable file (Microsoft Word 1997-2003)
God, bible, contentment, envy, love, marriage, study in Making Love Last a Lifetime
BSFL Sunday School commentary for the week of January 24, 2010
Wrestling With Stuff Ecclesiastes 2,5
We exchange our lives for the things we buy. But is what we buy worth the price we pay in terms of the time we spend accumulating it? Every verse in Ecclesiastes 2:4-8 begins with "I". By adding every occurrence of I, my, myself, and me, we arrive at a total of 16 references to self in the Holman Christian Standard Bible, and actually 19 in the Hebrew. Solomon was evaluating a time in his life when he was centered on self. He had such an "I" problem this passage is called the "gospel of selfishness".
In verse 10 he states "All that my eyes desired, I did not deny them." Can the same be said of us? Look at the following graphic, taken from USA Today:
We live in an era where storage is big business. We have so much that we refuse to release, we have to pay others to store it for us, or buy a building ourselves to house our trinkets. No one ever had more than Solomon, and after piling it all up he said, "When I considered all that I had accomplished and what I had labored to achieve, I found everything to be futile and a pursuit of the wind" Ecclesiastes 2:11(HCSB).
What benefit is the over-accumulation of worldly possessions? The old popular bumper sticker that said, "He who dies with the most toys - wins!" is a gross lie! He who dies with the most toys, still dies, still must face God in judgment, and leaves the toys for the relatives to fight over. "What will it benefit a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his life? Or what will a man give in exchange for his life?" Matthew 16:26 (HCSB) My pastor used to say "There is nothing wrong with having things, so long as things do not have you". That statement is true; but the difficulty is possessing things and not allowing them to possess you.
We must find our sense of sufficiency and self-worth not in the amount of things we possess, but in our relationship with God through Jesus Christ. "As he came from his mother's womb, so he will go again, naked as he came; he will take nothing for his efforts that he can carry in his hands" Ecclesiastes 5:15 (HCSB). Only when we invest in what is eternal will we find wealth that lasts. Only three things in this world are eternal: Christ's Kingdom, the Word of God, and people. Only what is invested in those three will last for eternity.
In Philippians 4 the Apostle Paul wrote the most powerful words on contentment from a prison cell. He wrote that he had learned a secret all of us should learn. Learning contentment (4:10-13) can only be done through Kingdom investment (4:14-18) and trusting completely in God's promised endowment (4:19). When our lives are fully and completely in His hands, we stop worrying about what we have or do not have, and we begin enjoying the abundance He provides!