I Like Being Married

I like being married. That statement produces a veritable smorgasbord of responses and reactions when spoken aloud. Depending on the hearer's opinions or previous experiences, I have been the subject of coy smiles, unbelieving laughter, and unmitigated contempt. Why should such a benign statement spark such emotional responses?

Could it be that many are not finding their marriages to be wedded bliss? Neither do I and my spouse. Might it be that some are discovering to their chagrin that marriage is work? My wife and I came to that conclusion ere we were scarcely out of town on our wedding day. Would we be correct in supposing that many had a skewed dream of what marriage would be, and the dream-bubble exploded soon after the nuptials, covering everything with a sticky mess? I must confess I had delusional aspirations for our married life that I have found to be unrealistic and even unhealthy. We do not have a perfect marriage. I hasten to add the overwhelming cause for that lies with me. However, I enjoy the ongoing challenge and pursuit of being married, and wish to offer a few suggestions I feel contribute to our continuing success.

• The most important element in our pursuit of marital success is commitment. My wife and I determined long ago, before our wedding day in fact, that we were in this thing for life. There are no loopholes and no escape clauses. Our only recourse is to do and be what is necessary for success in the relationship. If there is any way out, it is too easy to quit.
• Second, I choose every day to love my wife. Sometimes I must choose to love her every moment! I choose to love her when she is dressed to kill and I choose to love her when she is killing me trying to get dressed. I choose to love her in the heat of passion and I choose to love her in the cold of apathy. I choose to love her, to quote some timeless phrases, "for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part". The pivotal word in this entire paragraph is not love; it is choose. Love is a decision and a commitment I make of my own free will. I am resolved to choose daily to love my wife. No matter what.
• Third, I choose every day to pursue. I choose to pursue Christ. I choose to pursue a vibrant relationship with Him that transforms me into the best husband possible. I choose to pursue the things that build up my wife. I choose to set myself far aside. I must never give up the pursuit; for there will always be improvement that can and should be made. My wife is a priceless gift from God and is worth every effort I make and much, much more.
• Last, I believe. I believe what the Scriptures teach concerning the marriage relationship. When choosing a metaphor to illustrate the incredible relationship Christ has with His church, God chose marriage. Just as in Christ's relationship with His church, there is in our marriages the potential for unblemished purity, unrivaled holiness, unbroken commitment, unequaled sacrifice, unbridled love, unfathomable strength, and uncontainable joy. If it were not possible, our painfully honest God would have told us so. I believe it is possible.

I have not completed this journey. But these few concepts guide me like a tall and shining beacon guides wayward ships toward home and safety. They are, I believe, the foundational steps to realizing the best God has for us in our marriage relationships. I am not satisfied with where I am in my marriage; there is much progress that needs to be made. But I like the pursuit. I like being married.

Growing Love That Lasts a Lifetime

Due to the positive response following the recent message series "Making Love Last for a Lifetime", and for those who have requested more help in the area of relationships, I have written down some of the teachings from the series, plus some extra help with each topic. A link is provided at the end of this material where it can be downloaded and printed in its entirety for easier usage. Review each topic, its basic truths, and then complete the assignments, including the scriptures for memorization. The key to realizing lasting and positive change in your relationships is the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. He will work through prayer, God's Word, and our efforts to transform us and fill our relationships with love that lasts a lifetime!

Section Three: Growing Love That Lasts a Lifetime

"Love....bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

1 Corinthians 13:7-8 (NKJV)

In the movie 'Fireproof', Caleb Holt's friend Michael Simmons makes the following statement: "Do you know what that ring on your finger means? It means that you made a lifelong covenant. The sad part about it is when most people say 'for better or for worse', they really only mean for the better."

    I.        Love 'Bears All Things'

The word 'bears' literally means 'to cover silently or protectively'. When our spouse or child makes a blunder we are faced with three choices:

• Express our disappointment to the point of demeaning their character and deflating their spirit.
• Belittle them for embarrassing us, thereby transferring your shame to them.
• Minimize their hurt, shame, embarrassment, and pain by lovingly protecting them and supporting them.

"And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8 (NKJV)

 II.        Love 'Believes All Things'

Love is always eager to believe the best. Love gives the benefit of the doubt.

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:8 (NKJV)

 III.       Love 'Hopes All Things'

We must embrace hope in our relationships! In 1 Corinthians 13:13 hope is linked to faith and love as the greatest Christian virtues. Hope allows us to love someone in the present while banking on a better future with them tomorrow.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

 IV.        Love 'Endures All Things'

This phrase literally means 'to remain under the load'. Take a look at the most common wedding vows:

• Love
• Honor
• Cherish
• Forsaking All Others
• Richer or Poorer
• Better or Worse
• Sickness and Health
• Until death do you Part

These vows are bristling with commitment. Love that lasts a lifetime means commitment. Commitment means you never leave your partner, especially in a fire.

Suggested Actions:

• PRAY - Pray for the strength of the Holy Spirit to confess all negative actions toward your spouse or children as SIN. Ask God to grow a greater love in you for your spouse. Choose one of the four attributes above and focus on it for a week.
• MEMORIZE - Memorize all of the Scriptures printed above. Saturate your mind with the Scriptures. Find additional verses to memorize that deal with sacrificial love, particularly Christ's love for the church that is the model for our marriage relationships.
• ACT - Choose one of the four attributes above and focus on it for a week. Share these truths with your spouse and tell them of your commitment to love them for the long haul.

Suggested Resources:

The 5 Love languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman. Northfield Publishing. ISBN - 0802473156.

This material in a downloadable file (Microsoft Word 1997-2003)

BSFL Sunday School commentary for the week of January 17, 2010

Wrestling with Injustice   Ecclesiastes 3,4,8

As I write this I am keeping up with news reports from Haiti, where a devastating 7.0 magnitude earthquake shook the tiny island on Tuesday afternoon. President Barak Obama said, "For a country and a people who are no strangers to hardship and suffering, this tragedy seems especially cruel and incomprehensible." (http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/01/13/haiti.earthquake/index.html) In Ecclesiastes 8:6-8, Solomon proclaims, "For every activity there is a right time and procedure, even though man’s troubles are heavy on him. Yet no one knows what will happen, because who can tell him what will happen? No one has authority over the wind to restrain it, and there is no authority over the day of death; there is no furlough in battle, and wickedness will not allow those who practice it to escape." (HCSB)

The Bible says in numerous places that God loves justice (see Psalm 11:7; 33:5; 99:4). Simply put, justice is when everyone receives exactly what they deserve, good or bad. But a cursory look around our world reveals that justice does not prevail. Further, this seems to be the norm, and it appears for the most part that no one is doing anything about it. Perhaps more unsettling, injustice is seen all through the pages of Scripture. In Genesis 12 Abram lied to Pharaoh concerning his wife Sarai, so Pharaoh took her into his harem. God struck Pharaoh for taking Abram's wife, and he returned her to her husband. But there is no record of God punishing Abram for lying. In Genesis 2 God clearly states that the punishment for sin is death. In Genesis 3 Adam sinned and he didn't die immediately. However, in Acts 5 Ananias and Sapphira are struck dead by God for their sin. According to human reasoning God is anything but just.

"I also observed under the sun: there is wickedness at the place of judgment and there is wickedness at the place of righteousness." Ecclesiastes 3:16 (HCSB)

"Again, I observed all the acts of oppression being done under the sun. Look at the tears of those who are oppressed; they have no one to comfort them. Power is with those who oppress them; they have no one to comfort them." Ecclesiastes 4:1 (HCSB)

Is it hopeless to battle against injustice? Is God unjust? Is He truly perfect, or does He show favoritism to some and harshness to others? While we cannot begin to adequately explain God or His actions, we can go to the Scriptures for help with these questions.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. They are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. God presented Him as a propitiation through faith in His blood, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His restraint God passed over the sins previously committed. He presented Him to demonstrate His righteousness at the present time, so that He would be righteous and declare righteous the one who has faith in Jesus." Romans 3:23-26 (HCSB)

Read the words of R. Kent Hughes in his commentary on Romans: "In Christ's death the demands of God for justice against a sinful race are fully met, leaving Him free to be merciful to those who formerly merited only judgment."

"Simply put, in the past God did not pour out his full wrath on men for their sins. He was patient and merciful. Some might question His righteousness in doing this. However, in Jesus' death He demonstrated His wrath against sin. It is here - in Christ being the mercy seat - that we see the miraculous love and creativity of God. God found a way to forgive us and yet maintain His moral integrity. He forgave us without condoning our sin. How? By directing toward Himself, in the person of His Son, the full weight of the wrath we deserved. Thus God's holy character is not compromised" (page 85).

There is hope in standing against injustice. God has demonstrated His justice in the cross. He will ultimately judge the world in perfect justice and righteousness. "I said to myself, God will judge the righteous and the wicked, since there is a time for every activity and every work." Ecclesiastes 3:17 (HCSB). Until that time yet in the future, Solomon gives us some guidelines for how we are to strive for justice in our world. Ecclesiastes 8:2-9 teaches us to:

• Live right consistently (2)
• Be patient when looking for ways to help others (3)
• Follow appropriate protocol so our desire to help will not make matters worse (4-6)
• Honor those in authority (7-9)

In Ecclesiastes 8:10-13 Solomon declares that we need not despair. There is hope for change, in our world, and in the future judgment before God. Our efforts to promote justice are not in vain. The God who personifies justice will use us as His instruments to bring about hope and justice to the oppressed. We cannot remedy all injustice, but we can each do something.

Give to SBC Baptist Global Response to assist with Haiti Relief efforts

Follow this link to a YouTube Video Playlist of 19 videos related to the themes of this month's Bible Studies for Life study in Ecclesiastes.