Due to the positive response following the recent message series "Making Love Last for a Lifetime", and for those who have requested more help in the area of relationships, I have written down some of the teachings from the series, plus some extra help with each topic. A link is provided at the end of this material where it can be downloaded and printed in its entirety for easier usage. Review each topic, its basic truths, and then complete the assignments, including the scriptures for memorization. The key to realizing lasting and positive change in your relationships is the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. He will work through prayer, God's Word, and our efforts to transform us and fill our relationships with love that lasts a lifetime!

Section Two: Defending Against Love Assassins

"Love....does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil."

1 Corinthians 13:5 (NKJV)

The Bible is full of shady characters. One of those was an assassin named Ehud. You can find his story tucked away in Judges 3:12-30. 

After 18 years of serving Eglon, the King of Moab, the Israelites prayed for a deliverer. And God answered their prayers by raising up Ehud, a southpaw from the tribe of Benjamin. As his first official act he led a delegation of Jews to deliver the tribute tax, to King Eglon. Unknown to his traveling companions, Ehud had made a two-edge dagger and concealed it under his clothes on his right thigh.

Once he had delivered the tribute, Ehud returned to Eglon's palace pretending to have a secret message from God for the King. King Eglon sent everyone from the room and locked the door. When the King stood up Ehud plunged the dagger under Eglon's ribs, striking a fatal blow. Ehud then escaped through the back window. By the time anyone knows what has happened, Ehud has brought an army back to defeat the Moabites and free the Israelites.

Now you may be wandering what that story has to do with "Making Love Last a Lifetime." Not much, except this - today we will learn about assassins. With a quick stroke of his pen, Paul identifies four assassins. We call them "love assassins" because of the damage they inflict on loving relationships. Chances are, you have felt the pain of one of these attacks on your relationships.

• Love Assassin #1: Rudeness - The word 'rude' literally means 'ugly', or 'shapeless'. Love doesn't embarrass others publicly, behave shamefully, act tactless or disgraceful, or treat others rudely.

Love's Defense Against Rudeness - Courtesy. Love acts with grace and respect toward others, especially those in our closest relationships. "Therefore, God's chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Colossians 3:12 (HCSB)

• Love Assassin #2: Rivalry - "...does not seek its own" is literally 'not seeking one's self', or 'not seeking to advance one's self'. Love doesn't insist on its own way or engage in unhealthy competition.

Love's Defense Against Rivalry - Humility. It is simply putting others first. "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4 (NKJV)

• Love Assassin #3: Rage - Rage literally means 'to sharpen alongside'. The sharp anger of rage is the rage of the day. We see it displayed everywhere. Truly our culture is easily 'provoked'.

Love's Defense Against Rage - Self-Control. Love assumes the best and does not make rash judgments. When we are under control we demonstrate love and consideration. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is now law." Galatians 5:22-23 (NKJV)

• Love Assassin #4: Resentment - "Thinks no evil" in verse 5 is literally 'keeps no record of injuries'. Love doesn't keep a diary of disappointment or the threat of retaliation. When we relive the hurts from others, we are keeping them fresh in our memory and cultivating resentment and anger.

Love's Defense Against Resentment - Forgiveness. Forgiving means forgetting! Forgiveness includes choosing not to allow hurts that have been forgiven to affect our decision-making, attitudes, or actions. "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear." Psalm 66:18 (NKJV)

Suggested Actions:

• PRAY - Pray for the strength of the Holy Spirit to confess these love assassins as SIN. Ask Him to grow a greater love in you for your spouse. Choose one defense a week and pray for that attribute to bloom.
• MEMORIZE - Memorize all five of the Scriptures printed above. Saturate your mind with the Scriptures. Find additional verses to memorize that deal with courtesy, humility, self-control, and forgiveness.
• ACT - Take any actions necessary to eliminate these assassins from your relationship.

Suggested Resources:

Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices that Make or Break Loving Relationships, by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. Zondervan Publishing Company. ISBN - 0310278139

This material in a downloadable file (Microsoft Word 1997-2003)