I Like Being Married

I like being married. That statement produces a veritable smorgasbord of responses and reactions when spoken aloud. Depending on the hearer's opinions or previous experiences, I have been the subject of coy smiles, unbelieving laughter, and unmitigated contempt. Why should such a benign statement spark such emotional responses?

Could it be that many are not finding their marriages to be wedded bliss? Neither do I and my spouse. Might it be that some are discovering to their chagrin that marriage is work? My wife and I came to that conclusion ere we were scarcely out of town on our wedding day. Would we be correct in supposing that many had a skewed dream of what marriage would be, and the dream-bubble exploded soon after the nuptials, covering everything with a sticky mess? I must confess I had delusional aspirations for our married life that I have found to be unrealistic and even unhealthy. We do not have a perfect marriage. I hasten to add the overwhelming cause for that lies with me. However, I enjoy the ongoing challenge and pursuit of being married, and wish to offer a few suggestions I feel contribute to our continuing success.

• The most important element in our pursuit of marital success is commitment. My wife and I determined long ago, before our wedding day in fact, that we were in this thing for life. There are no loopholes and no escape clauses. Our only recourse is to do and be what is necessary for success in the relationship. If there is any way out, it is too easy to quit.
• Second, I choose every day to love my wife. Sometimes I must choose to love her every moment! I choose to love her when she is dressed to kill and I choose to love her when she is killing me trying to get dressed. I choose to love her in the heat of passion and I choose to love her in the cold of apathy. I choose to love her, to quote some timeless phrases, "for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part". The pivotal word in this entire paragraph is not love; it is choose. Love is a decision and a commitment I make of my own free will. I am resolved to choose daily to love my wife. No matter what.
• Third, I choose every day to pursue. I choose to pursue Christ. I choose to pursue a vibrant relationship with Him that transforms me into the best husband possible. I choose to pursue the things that build up my wife. I choose to set myself far aside. I must never give up the pursuit; for there will always be improvement that can and should be made. My wife is a priceless gift from God and is worth every effort I make and much, much more.
• Last, I believe. I believe what the Scriptures teach concerning the marriage relationship. When choosing a metaphor to illustrate the incredible relationship Christ has with His church, God chose marriage. Just as in Christ's relationship with His church, there is in our marriages the potential for unblemished purity, unrivaled holiness, unbroken commitment, unequaled sacrifice, unbridled love, unfathomable strength, and uncontainable joy. If it were not possible, our painfully honest God would have told us so. I believe it is possible.

I have not completed this journey. But these few concepts guide me like a tall and shining beacon guides wayward ships toward home and safety. They are, I believe, the foundational steps to realizing the best God has for us in our marriage relationships. I am not satisfied with where I am in my marriage; there is much progress that needs to be made. But I like the pursuit. I like being married.

Growing Love That Lasts a Lifetime

Due to the positive response following the recent message series "Making Love Last for a Lifetime", and for those who have requested more help in the area of relationships, I have written down some of the teachings from the series, plus some extra help with each topic. A link is provided at the end of this material where it can be downloaded and printed in its entirety for easier usage. Review each topic, its basic truths, and then complete the assignments, including the scriptures for memorization. The key to realizing lasting and positive change in your relationships is the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. He will work through prayer, God's Word, and our efforts to transform us and fill our relationships with love that lasts a lifetime!

Section Three: Growing Love That Lasts a Lifetime

"Love....bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

1 Corinthians 13:7-8 (NKJV)

In the movie 'Fireproof', Caleb Holt's friend Michael Simmons makes the following statement: "Do you know what that ring on your finger means? It means that you made a lifelong covenant. The sad part about it is when most people say 'for better or for worse', they really only mean for the better."

    I.        Love 'Bears All Things'

The word 'bears' literally means 'to cover silently or protectively'. When our spouse or child makes a blunder we are faced with three choices:

• Express our disappointment to the point of demeaning their character and deflating their spirit.
• Belittle them for embarrassing us, thereby transferring your shame to them.
• Minimize their hurt, shame, embarrassment, and pain by lovingly protecting them and supporting them.

"And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8 (NKJV)

 II.        Love 'Believes All Things'

Love is always eager to believe the best. Love gives the benefit of the doubt.

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:8 (NKJV)

 III.       Love 'Hopes All Things'

We must embrace hope in our relationships! In 1 Corinthians 13:13 hope is linked to faith and love as the greatest Christian virtues. Hope allows us to love someone in the present while banking on a better future with them tomorrow.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

 IV.        Love 'Endures All Things'

This phrase literally means 'to remain under the load'. Take a look at the most common wedding vows:

• Love
• Honor
• Cherish
• Forsaking All Others
• Richer or Poorer
• Better or Worse
• Sickness and Health
• Until death do you Part

These vows are bristling with commitment. Love that lasts a lifetime means commitment. Commitment means you never leave your partner, especially in a fire.

Suggested Actions:

• PRAY - Pray for the strength of the Holy Spirit to confess all negative actions toward your spouse or children as SIN. Ask God to grow a greater love in you for your spouse. Choose one of the four attributes above and focus on it for a week.
• MEMORIZE - Memorize all of the Scriptures printed above. Saturate your mind with the Scriptures. Find additional verses to memorize that deal with sacrificial love, particularly Christ's love for the church that is the model for our marriage relationships.
• ACT - Choose one of the four attributes above and focus on it for a week. Share these truths with your spouse and tell them of your commitment to love them for the long haul.

Suggested Resources:

The 5 Love languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman. Northfield Publishing. ISBN - 0802473156.

This material in a downloadable file (Microsoft Word 1997-2003)